“Originally, what I had wanted was Ronnie Van Zant wading in the Rio Grande with a knife in his teeth and one of those chinky swords, a whatchacallit, a ‘keytana,’ waiting for some wetback to cross, but then the tattoo guy said his last name was ‘Villareal,’ so we got out of there pretty quick. Shit, only thing worse was when I found out about Linda Ronstadt and had to get her face lasered off my dick. Couldn’t touch the fucking thing for a month, so I just told Sherry to get a cucumber and some butter, and that we were only doing assplay for a while. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. ARE YOU CALLING ME A FUCKING FAGGOT? YOU WANNA MEET ‘MR. SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL?’
